Gender and Family Life

(FHE family pictures)

I love the topic of gender and the differences between us. In class we came up with a list of behavioral tendencies for males and females. We decided that the females are more likely to be emotionally aware, more able and willing to express and receive communication, and be more relationship oriented in thoughts and actions. For the males we said they were more commonly aggressive, they had spacial thinking (sports/directions), and they are more task oriented. These differences are stereotypes in that not ALL men are like this and not ALL women are that way but for the most  part it is a pretty universal truth. Once we are able to see and accept these differences between genders we will be able to help one another grow so much more in our abilities. I know for me when i learned about how males think i was less offended when they thought differently or saw things another way or maybe they weren't giving me attention when they were focused on a task (women can usually multi-task way better than men). 

We also touched on homosexuality in class, which is such a hard topic to have any opinions on. I have my thoughts about it as do others but i want to be careful what i say and i don't want to cause offense to anyone. One thing i will say without going into details is i don't believe people are born "gay" and i do not believe people are born "straight" either. I am not an expert but i do think that along with everything else in life, homosexuality is a mixture of nature and nurture. 

One thing i have learned that i want to teach my children some day is that everyone is different and it is not up to us to let them know their differences. It is our job as humans to love everyone and to let them grow and change or stay the same as they see fit. You never know how much effect you have on someone else. When i was growing up i was always told i do not have a good singing voice, i still sang because i loved it, but still to this day i am self conscious about it and do not think i have a great singing voice. This example can fit so many situations in life, we need to be very careful what we point out in others because that just might be the characteristic they choose that defines them.

My favorite modern day revelation is "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" everything i need to know about raising a family is found in that document. LOVE THIS:

THE FAMILY

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A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of theChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

(cousins at a family dinner!)

I am so lucky to have so much diversity within my own family! We differ in so many ways, including; personality, traditions, social classes, education, race, age, problems, and so much more. All these differences is what makes my family so awesome and fun to be around! 

One thing we talked about in class that i want to focus on is class vs culture and how they influence family. Class can be defined as many things like social class, appearance, profession, and manners/ mannerisms.  Culture is made up of things like values/ beliefs, religion, tradition, and perceptions. All of these factors can definitely influence the family whether for good or for bad. One way it can influence family is in who we marry and how well we can bring the two different class and cultures together. A question was brought up in class, "can people marry different social classes?" The more things you have in common with your future spouse the easier and more successful the marriage is most likely to be. The thought was mentioned that a woman can marry a man in a higher social class but a man should not marry up, because it was imagined that the woman would never be satisfied and the man would never feel adequate. This is a very likely possibility, but hopefully people aren't that shallow. 

I am not really sure what social class i grew up in, probably middle to lower middle class and i wouldn't trade it for anything. As a child i never felt like i didn't have anything i needed (obviously i wanted more like all kids do) and i was able to learn the value of hard work. When i'm older and settled down, I, like most people, want to be well off so i don't have to worry about my needs. With that being said I do not want to have extravagant things and i do not want my children to know if we are wealthy. I want them to learn hard work and to not judge others based on social class and material possessions. No class or culture is better than another, we all need to be willing to step outside our comfort zones and bring others into our lives. We can all benefit from learning from one another.   

Family Theories and Dynamics

(shopping with my mom and grandma)

 This week we talked about the dynamics of families and how everyone's family is different, in their trends, rules, and interactions. One theory that describes these phenomenons, and that is my favorite one, would be the family systems theory. This theory explains that everyone in the family plays a part and has an important role in the dynamics. Everyone grows up and changes and figures out who they want to be in the world, but it is curious to note that no matter how grown up we get there will always be a kids table. We all have weird rules and boundaries that we know only work within our own families. For instance, in my house the oldest person gets to ride shotgun and the youngest smallest person usually sits in the middle in the back. When i am with my roommates i do not automatically assume that i get shotgun even though i am the oldest, it is fair game for everyone. It's fun to look for our families quirks and personalities, we can either choose to keep them and pass them onto our future children or we have the power to end unwanted trends. Going along with breaking or keeping traditions, we also learned about family genograms that map our family's and what they've been through. It is good to look at the past, even if we don't want to, sometimes it isn't pretty. We need to know about our past patterns to be able to change them or to realize why we may want to keep them.

Societal Trends and the Family

(The biggest, cutest 8 month old twins i got to watch over the winter break)

 I am a 22 year old unmarried female, almost finished with my bachelors degree in the clinical study of marriage and family. In today's society I would be considered normal, and well on my way to personal success. If I was to travel back in time, not even one hundred years, this would be almost unheard of. People tend to get caught up in the normalcy of today's everyday life and forget to look at how much of what is considered "normal" has changed. One trend that i find interesting is that the age that the average person gets married has gone up. Not even looking at statistics we can see this evidence within our own families, at least within mine i am able to see it. Both of my Grandparents were married around the age of 18 or 19, my mother got married when she was barely 21, I am turning 23 in a few months and i'm not even engaged. The average person now gets married around the ages of 26 for a female and 28 for a male. As an LDS culture we like to imagine that society doesn't affect us, but the average age has gone up for Mormons as well, 24 being the average age for females and 26 for males. At first glance, i like most people would think that this is probably better for society in that kids aren't just getting married willy nilly and divorced when they are too immature to handle the pressures of marriage. But there is more to this phenomenon than first meets the eye. Since the age of marriage has gone up, the birth rates have gone down, which plays a big role in how well the economy is functioning. The correlation of marriage and birth rate is fertility. Everyone knows that after a certain point in a woman's life they, sadly, cannot have children anymore, and at some age people don't want to or can't raise a child for their whole adolescent life. People are getting married older and wiser, therefore they cannot have as many kids as previous generations. Some opinions might be that this is better for life and for the economy, less people less problems. There is evidence suggesting that with less people on this earth the economy will suffer. There will be less workers, less inventors, less doctors, less teachers, and so much more. Many couples today are not having kids and are not replacing themselves in the world's human capital. I loved growing up with siblings, they taught me so much about myself and about my world. I feel sad for those who don't get the same experience. Children are a blessing from God, if they weren't important for the world we wouldn't have that sacred ability to create them.