Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

(Cinco De Mayo party-marriage before friends)

Sexual intimacy in marriage is super important and it is also seemingly a no brainer, this is where people can get hurt and confused. Men and Women are so different in many aspects of life, and it is the same with this aspect of life and marriage as well. I'm not going to go into the details of sexual intimacy in marriage but i will say that many people think that it is something magical that both parties should just get instantly, and if they don't then maybe they weren't meant to be. This is obviously false, we have learned and practiced in every other area of our life and this should be no different. 

One thing that can cause hurt in this aspect of a marriage is selfishness. Selfishness is never good, but in sexual intimacy it just doesn't make sense. There is a cycle we discussed in class that shows the differences in men and women and shows how both must be completely unselfish and their needs will be automatically met as well. For a man to feel safe, close, and connected (loved) he needs physical or sexual intimacy, on the flip side for a woman to want to be physically or sexually intimate she needs to feel safe, close, and connected. This can be the greatest cycle of everyone's needs being met or a couple's greatest down fall, if one or both are not will to take a leap of faith and be unselfish for their partner. 

We also talked about "Affair Proofing Your Marriage." First couples need to "leave and cleave", it is time for the children to leave their parents and become adults with a separate new family of their own. It is vital to set boundaries with friends and family and to discuss these boundaries with your spouse. Here are a few things we came up with in class to help prevent unfaithfulness:

-No discussion of marital problems or annoyances with anyone other than your spouse 

-Limit the time spent with friends and family, it should be a bonus not a constant

-Anything to do with the opposite gender happens together, Never find yourself alone no matter what

-friendships need to change dynamics or they need to end, no blurred boundaries

-regulate facebook/internet/texting, its a good idea to combine facebooks if having one is important

-Don't talk with friends about other attractive people even casually

-Don't get cocky "that won't happen to us" no one is "above" that unless they are consciously trying

Children need to be taught in their homes about their bodies and about sexual intimacy and how it is sacred and not bad, but it has its own time and place. We want our kids to be able to talk to us, ask us any question, this needs to start at the very beginning. Is a child going to want to talk to a parent if they make light of their questions or if they find out they were fabricating the truth? No. I'm not saying lay every graphic detail out on the line for them, but there are certain ages where they can handle more and more about these subjects and if they don't find out at home they will find out else where, and it will not be portrayed as sacred if that is the case. Also children aren't going to ask questions about things that have never been talked about or brought up previously. These subjects are never easy but if we practice and bring them into our homes our children will be better prepared to know why they are made differently from each other and what their divine purposes are.

There are helps to know good timelines of discussions with children that can be found at places like LDS.org